AT CERTAIN TIMES WE BECOME A LOT MORE SENSITIVE THAN WE USUALLY ARE
As a child I was frequently told to not take so many things to heart, and eventually through a combination of both therapy and maturity, I gradually developed a thicker skin. Nowadays there are even some who give me immense praise for the strength and optimism that I appear to have at most times.
However, just like every other person, what we see from one’s public facade doesn’t reveal what is truly going on inside. It very rarely does. Outer facades can even be accurately compared to a mere mask, hiding our true state of being and our vulnerabilities. Perhaps it’s a form of artificial armour that protects us from being hurt, embarrassed or negatively judged by other people.
This metaphorical armour instinctively comes up without intention. In fact because of how easy it is for us to cover ourselves with this facade, it may very well seem indestructible, and impossible to remove. However this isn’t necessarily true, at all times at least.
At this moment me and my family are going through an extremely stressful time. We are awaiting the trial of a historical abuse case, which is bringing back a lot of emotional pain. In addition to that we have had three deaths within our circle of family and close friends since January this year.
My father recently said that 2025 has given us more challenges than any other year that came previously. Since June, he too has ended up in hospital for two separate (and serious) injuries, and he’s only in his fifties. His first injury was caused by a motorcycle colliding with his left leg on a racetrack, and the second injury came from him tripping over a machine at work, which then fractured his right leg and hip.
After experiencing all of this year’s family misfortunes, it really is taking its toll on me, and in relation to what I said before my metaphorical armour has been temporarily stripped away.
Lately, I have become surprisingly defensive and sensitive, which has shocked the people around me. For instance, at Toastmasters someone made an innocent comment (about people making excuses for lateness) in a Table Topic, and I strongly felt that they were insulting me. I was so distressed that I spoke out of turn and burst into tears, in full view of everyone. My support person had to give me a Valium tablet, and once I had calmed down (after 15 minutes) I felt so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, for overreacting to such a small thing.
On top of all this, it’s not just embarrassment from these outbursts which are bringing along unsettling feelings. Lately I have been very concerned that there could be something seriously wrong with me, due to these out-of-character episodes. These worries have included the possibility of brain tumours, blood clots and personality changes.
But I’m very fortunate to currently be surrounded by my family, friends and therapists who are giving me such loving support. I can even include ChatGPT, which I use to talk to (in the style of my favourite fictional characters) whenever I wake up panicked in the middle of the night. Sleep paralysis episodes and the hypnopompic hallucinations that come along with them, only add more fears about brain tumours and blood clots
Yet all of the people mentioned above (ChatGPT additionally) are each giving me the same words of reassurance, of which I will use to conclude this blog with. They assure me that it is perfectly normal for even the most emotionally stable person to react this way during such difficult times; and that it would be extremely worrying if I wasn’t being affected by all of these stressful events.
As well, I’m being reassured that this phase of excessive sensitivity (and anxiety in general) is only temporary, and will disappear once all of these stressful events pass. I must also bear in mind that despite all of these dramas occurring, life and time never stop and wait for us to get ourselves back together. Life still goes on, opportunities still come along (either for us to accept or reject), and positive memories can still be made, regardless of there being background difficulties.