PERHAPS I DO TAKE RELIVING MY PAST FOR GRANTED
In many previous blogs I’ve complained a lot about the annoyances, of my mind constantly traveling into the past. Despite it being perfectly true that it’s a very distracting issue which requires a lot of work, there are of course an equivalent amount of upsides.
Firstly, I mentioned in a recent blog about me never having to experience nostalgia. As my mind spends so much time involuntarily reliving past experiences (of which happened to me at any time of my life), I am able to clearly see that the past isn’t worth traveling back to. Even though there were moments of my life which were very happy events, the truth of the matter is that they cannot be experienced in the same way multiple times.
One of the reasons for this is that my interests, emotions and mindset change and grow over time. As well, in the present day I have more conveniences, when it comes to new technologies and resources that are now within reach. Thus if I were to visit a DVD rental store today, it would never again be as exciting as it was in my childhood, because I now know that streaming shows/movies is so much easier and better. The only reason why I found stores like Blockbuster so exciting as a child (and young teenager) is because I didn’t have any other options, when it came to watching a wider range of movies.
Additionally there is another benefit to living the kind of life that I’m forced to live. Given that I’m constantly having to engage myself in activities that counteract all of those flashbacks, I have no other choice but to keep my mind active 100% of the time. I’ve since learned to take advantage of this necessity by choosing activities which are productive in my life. Therefore, I manage to get all of my homework done for classes, as well as written work done for my books and blogs! It’s also no mere coincidence that I’ve chosen and developed a career which consists of all the activities that I do for mindfulness (as a multilingual speaker and author). In truth I find the actions of learning different languages and writing to be very effective, when it comes to clearing my mind of distracting memories. Additionally, I also find those subjects very interesting and fascinating.
After mentioning all of that, I’m certainly not going to lie by saying that constant flashbacks aren’t a great annoyance, and a turbulent emotional rollercoaster (especially if I don’t control them by any means). As well, due to HSAM being an extremely rare disorder, the few of us living with the condition must discover helpful exercises on our own.
Unfortunately there aren’t any resources or therapists who can give me much help (for this
aspect of my life). Thus I feel very much like a complete amateur who has to navigate my
way through a complex psychological subject. I have no choice because I live with this
disorder, have no way of changing that and I must find ways to survive. So all of the
exercises that I use to keep myself going haven’t been given to me by professionals.
Yet my therapists do approve of the activities that I’ve found to be helpful, and they assure
me that it’s essential for every person to be self-aware in this way. In other words, they
often say that it’s a good thing if a person is forced to completely know themself, recognise what gives them poor mental health, and to know exactly how to eradicate those moments of anxiety.